


[S] Jade: Engage in masterchef shenangins!!

by Moondragon8



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bad movies, Cooking, F/F, Fluff, Gen, Homestuck Secret Santa Exchange 2019, M/M, just kids being friends and hanging out!!, mentions of fire and knives but in the context of cooking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:14:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21923497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moondragon8/pseuds/Moondragon8
Summary: Four kids have a good day.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, John Egbert & Jade Harley & Rose Lalonde & Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	[S] Jade: Engage in masterchef shenangins!!

**Author's Note:**

> when in doubt, happy betas!!

TG: dude this is gonna be rad 

GG: i for one have cleared my schedule just for the event!!!!! :D

TT: John, a warning-you are expected to provide all the food. 

EB: that’s fair. 

EB: ooh! or what if....

EB: we made this into a cooking party!!

TT: You're just trying to get out of making all the food, aren't you.

EB: yeah, but you have to admit it’s a good idea!

EB: imagine...i get a movie ready...we all make snacks together...dave isn’t allowed near the oven...

TG: sounds great

EB: i’ll see you all here then!

GG: i cant wait!!!

Your name is Jade Harley, and you are psyched.  
You are finally going to do what you wanted to do for your entire life. You are going to hang out with your friends, and there will be no malevolent video games, and there will be snacks, and it’s going to be great.  
You knock politely on John’s door and he opens it and grins at you. “Hi Jade!”  
“Hey!” you say, giving him a quick hug and entering. “What can I do?”  
“Well, I have Dave microwaving the hot dogs,” he says. “And Rose is doing ‘science experiments’.”  
“It was your idea to get a Sodastream,” Rose says, pouring milk into a tall bottle. “I’m merely exploiting it to its fullest potential.” She sticks the bottle into a tall contraption. “Experiment 1. Carbonated milk.”  
“I’ll make the pasta,” you decide.  
John gives you a thumbs-up. “I’ll take care of the veggies, then.”  
This is going to be great.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“FIRE,” John says, pointing emphatically at the stove. “FIRE.”  
“FIRE,” Dave agrees.  
Rose makes a noise akin to a teenager finding out their favorite edgy band is going to reunite while at the same time ascending to a higher plane.  
“FIRE,” John says.  
You are sitting on the floor, staring at the burnt pasta in your hands.  
“This is fine,” you whisper. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Okay,” Rose says. The room still smells mildly of oil and burnt hot dog. “Let’s talk about where we went wrong.”  
“I should not have microwaved a hot dog,” Dave says. “And definitely not five at once.”  
“I should have known not to put oil in a hot pan,” you say.  
“I should have bought a fire extinguisher,” John says.  
“I should not have tried to carbonate coffee,” Rose says with a shake of her head. “A mightier god then I could have been slain by that coffee. It was nothing short of a miracle I lived through that fateful experimental sip.”  
“How do you even make food?” John says despairingly.  
“Karkat makes all the food at our house,” Dave says with a shrug.  
“I know some things about food making,” Rose says. “For example, you put a lid on the pot to control an oil fire.”  
“I promise you I will never forget that fact again,” you say.  
“I have no clue about the hot dogs, though.”  
John stands up and puts his hands on his hips. “Okay. Here’s the deal. Jade, Dave, you’re both restricted from oven privileges. You’re on vegetable duty. Rose, you aren’t allowed near the Sodastream. You make the pasta. I will microwave the hot dogs.”  
“Do you know how to microwave hot dogs?” you say.  
“I will contact Karkat and beg him to tell me how to microwave the hot dogs,” John corrects himself.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
You glance over at Dave. “Um, I think you’re slicing the carrots the wrong way.”  
“What?” he says  
“You’re slicing the carrot towards you,” you say, pointing helpfully. “You need to slice it away from you.”  
“Oh,” Dave says, looking down at the knife. “I guess you’re right.”  
“Karkat really does make all the food at your house, huh?” you say.  
“In return,” Dave says solemnly, “I intimidate the neighbors for him.”  
“A fair and balanced agreement,” you say. “John, I finished the peppers!”  
“Thanks!” John says, stirring a pot gently with a spatula. “Just put them on that big plate over there.”  
You carefully bring them over to the plate and go back to supervise Dave.  
“The pasta is ready!” Rose calls.  
“Put it in the bowl!” John calls back.  
Dave finishes chopping carrots, and John carefully removes the hot dogs from the bowl on the stove.  
“Is that it?” you say, glancing around.  
“I think...I think that’s it!” John says.  
“Thank goodness,” Rose says.  
“Alright, let’s do this thing!” Dave says.

DAVE: dude

DAVE: this movie is different then i remember

JOHN: better??

ROSE: Worse. Much worse.

DAVE: gayer

JOHN: gayer?

DAVE: yeah man i think the lead guys gay look at him sharing that look with that guy

JOHN: dave i look at guys all the time and i’m not gay!

ROSE: Are you sure?

DAVE: but this is a meaningful look back me up here jade

JADE: aw i think they're just bros!!!! i think theyre bros hanging out solving crimes :)

ROSE: The crime of how awful this movie is, perhaps. 

DAVE: rose dont be homophobic

ROSE: My wife would agree with me. 

JADE: oh no she's brought her wife into it dave theres no hope now!!!

Your name is Jade Harley, and you are happy.


End file.
